Lab Notes · The Living Laboratory

My Heart Broke to Leave Him for My Self.

June 28, 2026

I was twenty years old. My brother Bruce was ten, standing on a stool at the kitchen stove, frying fish. I was mortified. Nobody was there but me.

The Laboratory of My Own Contradictions

June 24, 2026

I am sitting with something that asks honesty to say aloud. Three parts of me showed up at once, each real. The muse was watching.

When Love Waits

June 20, 2026

I made my husband a gift he could not receive. For three years it waited. This month, by his own hand, it landed.

Opening the Venus Sequence

June 2, 2026

Yesterday the Venus Sequence opened. I welcomed it with a song, an opening attunement that meets the frozen places and turns them toward gratitude.

The Dark

May 23, 2026

I begin this experiment two years after moving to Fallbrook in September 2023. For years I walked every morning in both Fairfax, California and Austin, Texas. But I never walked while it was still dark outside.

The Edge

May 15, 2026

Today is my sister's birthday. I wrote her a song. The questions belong to whoever hears them. If they meet you today, they are yours too.

The Practice of Acting Before Authority

May 2, 2026

I am the executor of my friend's estate. She is still alive. She is 78. We have been friends since 1978.

Awake. Aware. Alive. Alert.

April 22, 2026

Today I spent an hour with Orion Architect. It is a new AI tool. Yesterday I was at the launch. Today I sat down to learn it.

The Energy of Relief

April 20, 2026

I have been discovering this energy for twenty years. Only recently have I entered its deeper current. Relief is what my body feels when it knows my boundary will hold.

The Most Important Relationship is with my Self

February 28, 2025

I sit at my desk, overlooking the tallest cactus tree in the yard. The window in front of my computer frames it perfectly. A cup of strong coffee rests beside my keyboard, steam curling into the quiet.

A 39 Year First Date

February 27, 2025

All I ever wanted was true love. Every friend I had growing up had parents who either did not get along, or were divorced. I wanted to share my life with someone at my side who had my back.

Still Here

February 14, 2025

I have something I need to get off my chest. A kind of dishonesty, not in the way of deception, but in the way of hiding. Hiding from my own grief, from the truths that hover between us, unspoken.