Lab Notes
Holding. Held.
September 28, 2026
Over dinner, a longtime collegial family friend asked me for an example of my transformational work. The question was a good one. I didn't answer it.
Three people in that room matter to me. I hold each one in a separate place. From my vantage point, their boundaries do not mix and mingle, and I tend each relationship on its own terms. When the question came, I felt my care for all three at once. Opening my work in that moment would have invited a long conversation full of contrasting opinions and world views. So I stayed quiet. This quiet is active. Listening.
Something else was present too. Around the table sat professional acumen, financial savvy, psychological wisdom, political consensus. A familiar harsh voice reminded me that my work would look small beside all of that. I heard her. I know her well. She was in the room with me.
The most powerful part of me made the call. She is emerging in real time. She protects the space and honors the dignity of everyone in it. This time, everyone, including my Self, was accounted for. For years I stood outside the circle, holding the circle for others. At this dinner, I stood outside the circle, holding. I stood inside the circle, held. The not-good-enough voice had a seat at the table.
The next day his thank-you for dinner text arrived, and the example was sitting right there. When he asked me that question, I felt a strong pull to explain what I am up to. I paused long enough to feel the pull in my belly, drawing me toward the Gene Keys. I let the pull be. The practice was happening in real time, while I was searching for an example of the practice! Maybe I am noticing unconscious competence at work?
Presence comes in funny ways. The example I couldn't find at dinner turned out to be the dinner itself.
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